We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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