my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
