fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
