I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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