i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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