Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
