trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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