I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
