she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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