Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
