Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
