Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
