dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
