At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
