Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
