I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
