Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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