Redeem this text for a blowjob
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
