i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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