he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
