I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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