I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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