I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
