i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize