The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
