You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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