Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
