Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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