so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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