this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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