Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
