dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
