Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I have demons in me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
