hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
even my farts smell like vagina
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
