Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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