I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
