I haven't been this sober since birth.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
