I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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