It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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