idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
