I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
