apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
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he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
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Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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