ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
