I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's blow job season.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
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