i don't like sucking hair
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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