Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
