I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
