i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
