Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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