Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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