I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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