At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
