I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
