nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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