Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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