1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
