grandma shit on top of the toilet
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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