So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.