Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes