I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
