Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
