i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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