Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
