Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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