i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wish i was in the wii world.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
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I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
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Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?