my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
People in love make me want to vomit
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.