i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
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I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
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I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.