I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.