We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.